[Guest Post] How does being anxious change your life as an adult?
Being anxious can really take it’s toll, especially as an adult. While it’s one thing to be anxious as a child, it’s entirely different when you simply have to put yourself into certain situations. You have to make phone calls for yourself, go places by yourself, possibly drive and maybe even someday tackle the monstrosity that is buying a new home.
About the author.
Kez takes us on her journey through anxiety, and how she’s been learning to cope with the anxious adult in her own mind.
Kez is a teacher who uses the school holidays to have crazy travel adventures and tea in under-the-radar destinations. You can follow her adventures at K In Motion.
The Anxious Adult.
By K in Motion.
Although anxiety is something that a lot of people have to deal with from a young age, it can also sneak up on you well into your adult life. It’s hard to imagine how becoming anxious as an adult changes your life until you’re facing the situation. It can change everything that you know about yourself until you almost see yourself as a stranger. All of this can make the onset of anxiety extremely difficult to deal with as an adult.
Imagine spending all of your adult life jumping head-first into everything with no fear. Constantly being told that you’re the bravest person others know. Then suddenly you’re fear-stricken over the simplest of things. To the point where you postpone plans and contemplate hiding away from the world for a time. The worst thing of all is that you can’t explain to others, or even yourself, why you’re suddenly filled with dread. These unfamiliar feelings are extremely disconcerting.
Into the Unknown.
The unknowns that present themselves when becoming anxious as an adult can leave you feeling frustrated and disappointed with yourself. The inability to do things that you have always found easy gets really annoying. You start to wonder how something completely intangible can physically prevent you from doing things. Your thoughts turn inwards and although you can’t quite figure out what it is, you know that something is ‘off’. You start to wonder what is ‘wrong’ with you.
It feels like a stranger has taken control of your feelings and actions. A stranger who won’t listen to reason. This stranger doesn’t care what you want or feel, but you’re powerless to stop them. It’s actually quite nerve-wracking to have this unknown enemy practically take over your life.
My first anxiety attack came on at a very inopportune time. I was travelling in a foreign country where many things were out of my control. That only exacerbated the problem, to the point where I was paralysed with indecision. It was a very peculiar feeling; knowing what needed to be done but being unable to do it. As if the stranger had built an invisible wall in front of me to block my way.
How Becoming Anxious as an Adult Affected My Life.
This new anxiety thing was the scariest thing I’d ever had to deal with. Perhaps the scariest part was all the unknowns. It had come out of nowhere and was completely out of character. It was also confusing, as the logical part of the brain saw no reason for any fear, yet there was still a huge amount of trepidation there. The disconnect between logic and feelings made it seem as if a battle was going on.
It was difficult enough to deal with that contradiction, but possibly the worst part was feeling like I wasn’t myself anymore. I had withdrawn from the world and lost the will to be a part of anything. Instead of being the spontaneous person I had always been, I had started to think excessively about how I could be affected by external environments. This would bring me to the point where I would talk myself out of leaving the house. Even if it was for something as simple as going to the shop to buy stuff I needed.
I was even apprehensive about doing things I had previously enjoyed, including travel. I actually had to take some time out of my travel schedule to deal with it. On top of that, I was the most physically drained I had ever been. Despite the fact that I was sleeping almost twice as long as normal, I was feeling more tired. The exhaustion was overwhelming.
The mistake I made in dealing with it.
Becoming anxious as an adult placed me on a rather steep learning curve. In the beginning, I tried to fight it. That was the only way I knew how to deal with it. But that approach only served to sap my energy and left me feeling worse. It’s almost like the anxiety was fueled by my attempts to fight it off. Then the ensuing exhaustion just exacerbated the anxiety. So that method was not working well at all.
It was only at the point of exhaustion, when I barely had the will to fight anymore, that I realised what I needed to do. Instead of fighting I needed to give in. I had to let it win for a little while. That would give me the time that I needed to learn how to deal with it better. It was hard, but it worked. Little by little I was able to do things again. That included continuing the travels that had stalled.
How Can You Help Someone With Anxiety?
This is an absolutely loaded question that can have different answers depending on the people involved and the situation. It may seem counter-intuitive, but offering affirmations like, “You can do it” to someone with anxiety can actually have the opposite affect to what you’re hoping.
You can guarantee that everything you’re thinking of saying has already run through the head of an anxious person. several times. Sometimes what they need the most is simply to know that someone is there, if needed. Someone who’ll listen, if needed. Other times, what they need the most is to be left alone.
What I’ve Learnt From Becoming Anxious as an Adult.
I can definitely say that I really had no understanding of anxiety before I became anxious. I thought it was something that affected people who weren’t ‘strong’, so it would never be something that affected me. Now I know that people living with anxiety are stronger than most. They get up in the morning, despite the stranger in their head telling them that the world might implode if they leave the comfort of their bed.
I also thought that anxiety would be the end of living. But it’s not. While it’s certainly an adjustment and a lot of hard work, you can get through it. You can still do the things you did before, just with a different approach. I’m still living my best life despite the anxiety. I came to the realisation that I am still the bravest person others know, but even more so now because I’m doing what I’ve always done in spite of the anxiety.
Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to discuss your experience with mental illness on the blog? Feel free to get in touch via email or social media.
Want to learn more about anxiety? Check out these other posts available on Nyxie’s Nook.
- Anxiety Disorder: When it’s more than just worry.
- Panic Attacks: Part I & II.
- Coming to terms with anxiety.
45 Comments
I really relate to so much of this. I have always had anxious tendencies but they really came home to roost during lockdown. I recently started having therapy which has really helped with my anxiety.
I’m so glad you’ve found therapy helpful. I feel the same. Without it, I don’t know where I’d be!
Thank you for sharing , I hope I can tackle my anxiety
I have many anxious tendencies that have developed over the past few years (although apparently I was the same as a child); and I’m glad to have to had the support from my boyfriend during lockdown as it reached its peak. It can often be so very hard to support those with anxious tendencies or anxiety so thank you for bringing this into awareness. Therapy looks like a great option to try to help tackle it. Thanks for sharing such a great post!
Paige // Paige Eades
Thank you so much for stopping in and sharing your story. I’m so glad to hear that you have support from your boyfriend.
Keep fighting!
Thanks for sharing this very great detail blog post. I somehow relate to it. Good job!
I remember in my early 20s my best friend at the time was struggling with anxiety and I was so shocked – she always seemed so put together and carefree and I couldn’t figure out where the anxiety stemmed from.
Now that I have struggled with anxiety for YEARS I get it – ANYONE can suffer from it, no matter their walk in life.
It’s a horrible thing. I’ve had it for years at this point and it’s the bane of my existence. No one over here seems to think it’s an ‘actual condition’. Even diagnosed I feel like I’m lying.
Thank you so much for popping in and reading pet! x
I know I can feel anxious at times. It isn’t fun. I always try to remind myself to calm down and sometimes that helps.
Sometimes I have to do the same and even then it can backfire.
Thank you so much for popping in and reading. x
Visual journaling and meditation helped me with my anxiety. I also find that reading and exercise help too. One bit of advice I would offer to someone going though it is to shed fear for it is such a paralyzing emotion that’s all in our heads.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it.
I didn’t have anxiety until after I had kids. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever had to deal with and it often takes over my life.
I really hope mine doesn’t get worse when 1 have kids! I don’t think it could get any worse!
Thank you so much for stopping in and reading. I really appreciate it.
This would be such an interesting read, and one that I think many adults today need to read, especially from the younger generations suffering with anxiety.
Thank you for stopping by and reading!
My husband lives with anxiety and I recognized him in a lot of what you wrote. Over the years we’ve found ways to open the line of communication enough that he feels comfortable telling me what he needs from me in different situations – and it changes from situation to situation. As you said, there’s no one size fits all solution to support someone.
Thank you so much for reading Britt. It’s a horrible condition to have. I suffer from it, and my partner has in the past suffered from it. It’s hard to watch and even harder still when you can’t help them because the anxiety is work-related etc.
Thank you for popping in and reading. x
Very interesting. I have a family member who struggles with anxiety. I’ve got to say I think a lot of us are going through anxiety now too!
Thank you for reading 😀
Anxiety in adulthood almost seems like a right of passage. I suffer from it and am continuously working on breathing techniques and allowing myself space to feel safe. For me it has been a journey into mindset and mental health and I know I’m brave and I’m happy that I decided to live my best life regardless. Awesome post and I’m so happy you’re working through your anxiety as well. It’s not easy, but it is very doable!
Thank you so much for stopping in and sharing your story. I pleased to hear you’re overcoming your own battle with anxiety. It’s not easy but keep fighting!
My sister also developed anxiety late in her life which was very unexpected for all of us because if there was one person who would never have anxiety it would be her since she was so jovial and upbeat. Life is so unpredictable.
It’s a horrible condition! Thank you for reading and commenting 😀
Very interesting read for sure and yes anxiety has deffo kicked in for me during all this lockdown for sure…it can be a struggle too x
Thank you for reading 🙂
Anxiety as an adult is no joke. I think so many people suffer from it in varying degrees and often times either don’t feel the need to talk about it or are ashamed of it. I think the more we normalize it the easier it will be for those suffering to seek help and support. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. x
Anxiety is like a part of our nowaday life..Indeed this blog sounds very helpful for every of reader..this is quite motivating and interesting one to go through..Thanks indeed for sharing..Great work..
Ugh, anxiety is not fun! I’ve battled it the last few years! I’ve found that homeopathics work really well for me! Thanks so much for sharing!
This was really well-written, and I appreciated hearing from it. I also was diagnosed with anxiety in college, and the hardest part was people who didn’t take it seriously. It’s always good to hear from people on this side of things. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I hate having anxiety but the last time I felt anxious free was before 9/11. I think I’m stuck with it now until we can achieve world peace.
I struggle with anxiety a lot. I tend to have thoughts rushing through my head and I feel like I have a to-do list that is a mile long. Taking it one day and one project at a time helps.
I felt anxious sometimes back when I was a teenager, but as time goes by I learned to let go. Glad you found your therapy that works on you.
Thank you so much for popping in and reading K’s story.
I’ve had my share of anxiety as an adult and it is not fun at all. Yoga has helped me alot in calming me. Great info.
Thank you so much for stopping in and reading K’s post. We both really appreciate it.
I’ve struggled a few years ago with what I used to refer to as mood swings, I didn’t know back then that it was anxiety. Meditation and a good diet actually helped me a lot.
During times when I start to feel really anxious and I can’t find the root of the problem, I’ve found that therapy helps a lot. Just being able to talk it through with someone helps me to understand what’s going on.
Having anxiety is bad, but having it with depresion is sometimes hell. Its like caring for everything while not giving s**t about anything. Going to therapy, yoga and journaling along with my meds have helpped me alot. Thanks for sharing your story love.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. xx
This is definitely a struggle for so many. I deal with some anxiety, but I know several people who have a hard time functioning on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing your experiences; it helps me to understand it a little better.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on K’s story.
I have to deal with this day in and day out. Being on lockdown has made it worse. I really need to see my doctor again but I am so scared of being near a hospital. I wish this virus would at least be visible so I can avoid places (or people) who have it. It just scares me so much.
Lockdown has made my outdoor anxiety worse but everything else seems better. I’m just worried about returning to work and hitting a new wave!
Sending much love. Thank you so much for reading.