A Letter to my younger self.

Younger self, I’m going to be cliche for a moment, and I know that you’ll be rolling your eyes upwards at the thought, but bear with me; All This Will Pass.

To my younger self.

Younger self, I’m going to be cliche for a moment, and I know that you’ll be rolling your eyes upwards at the thought, but bear with me;

All this will pass.

Despite the fact that I am you and you are me, you’ll be thinking that I’m old now, what do I know? You’ll be thinking have I nothing better to do than to write letters to my younger self? Don’t I have any of my own kids to bother?

No. No, I don’t. Not yet. So put your attitude aside and take note.

First of all younger self,

I want to say that it might seem dark now, you might want to die and it doesn’t seem like any of this will ever end. I’m not here to tell you that it ever will because I would be lying. I’ve been here for however long and I’m still in tremendous pain emotionally, mentally and, now, physically.

But, my younger self, that doesn’t mean that you don’t learn to cope better. It doesn’t mean that you are forever stuck in this negative, emotionally stunted reality. You start to heal from the inside out eventually, and maybe through reading this, you’ll begin that journey a lot sooner. Who knows?

I know things with Mum are almost impossible at the moment.

I know that she’s infuriating and so easy to hate. A Lot of what she has done or is going to do is unjustified and, at times, complicated, but in hindsight, I can see that it came from fear and love. That horrible wedge that has been driven between you by mental illness and anorexia will improve. The gap will eventually begin to close. You just need to calm down, control your temper tantrums, and let the dust settle. You have to allow her to help you and understand, please understand, that she loves you unconditionally. In time you’ll need each other more than you both realise.

Spend as much time with your family as you can.

Take the time to be with the grandparents you have now because time is running out. Tell them how much you love them often. Spend time with Grandad J and talk about the farm, he loves it so much. Go and have tea with him. In fact, have copious amounts of tea with all of them as often as possible. Oh, and take Granny and Grandad F out for lunch often before they are housebound completely.

I know you don’t want to think about it, I know it’s so hard, but no one lives forever and time doesn’t stop just because you are going through something. You don’t want the regrets I have right now, you want to know you did as much as you could and often.

It’s good to save and by the time you get to where I am now you are living comfortably. Just know that life doesn’t revolve around money and how much you have of it. You can have all the money in the world and be deeply unhappy inside. Money is nothing if it can’t fix illness. With that in mind keep saving with a house of your own as the goal, but remember to live a little in the process. Don’t let your obsessions stop you from buying what you want, taking those trips and treating the people you love.

With all of that out of the way let’s talk about us.

Let’s talk about all the things I know you are either doing to yourself already or the things you don’t even realise are in your head. You’re feeling depressed, you’re feeling anxious and you just don’t feel like you fit in anywhere. Right? Well, I can’t fix that and I can’t give you any quick answers. Maybe it’s our brain chemistry.

It’s not weird. Everyone gets depressed, everyone has these feelings at some point; But please talk about them. Please tell Mum and Dad about the horrible, horrible thoughts. Tell them how anxious you are all the time, how it’s hard to even get out of bed some days or to look at yourself. But please, please don’t hurt yourself. Don’t cut yourself as a means to get rid of the uncomfortable pulling of your skin across your body. Please.

Younger self,

I won’t tell you to stop indulging the eating disorder. We both know that anorexia is a beast that is louder than our mind. It has shaped us into what we are today, as I write this. Without everything we have gone through I might not be sitting where I am now. So I won’t lecture you about it. Just be careful. When you are asked to step on scales in Loughry College at 19 years old, refuse. Don’t worry about causing a fuss or drawing attention to yourself! Who cares!? Look after your own wellbeing and mental health, because once you step on those scales you start a war inside your head again, and this time it doesn’t end until you are much, much older.

Get involved with your emotions. Listen to yourself and what you need. You are as valid and as important as everyone else in this world, and you deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are intelligent, so damn intelligent, and you don’t even know it. You are creative, so keep writing and drawing! No matter what the outcome of the GCSE’s are!

Above all else, do whatever you want with your life. If you want to do counseling, then do it. If you want to paint or become a tattooist; do it! Don’t let anyone dictate what you do with your life.

Whatever you decide to do don’t stop believing in yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself, learn to love yourself, slow down and enjoy your teenage years and, above all, please don’t hurt yourself like I know you are.

Stop it right now, younger self!

You are worth so, so much more than you realise.

I love you, girl. Stay strong.


** If you like what I do please consider donating to my KO-FI fund. I’d like to be able to reach more of an audience so I can potentially grow this blog to be much more than it currently is. I also hope to bring freebies and eventually tool kits to you all as a way of saying thank you for your support.

Did you enjoy this? Why not read ‘‘An open letter to mental illness.”

108 comments

  1. Wow…its quite heart touching..your words just hitted so hard this message is like a inspiration for that every person who is dealing with same this is like a hope for everyone and especially for me..Thanks for being so opened and sharing it…I know its pretty hard to share such..!

  2. How I wish my older self could give my present self advice!!!! Even though I probably already know a lot of the answers. But I think it can all be summed up in your words above: stay strong.

  3. This was a beautiful letter. Made me tear up a little :'( Thank you for sharing xx

  4. Thank you so much Britt for reading and for your kind words. Honestly, it means so much to me that so many people even want to read my stuff, never mind engage 🙂 xx

  5. Great message. The part that hit hardest for me reading it was the statement ‘you are valid’. Such an incredible message of hope for anyone that may be dealing with something similar right now, seeing you where you are at now giving this advice

  6. This was absolutely beautiful and so inspiring. You shared moments of truth and moments of hope. I love this ♡♡♡

  7. Such a beautiful post. It’s things we all think about now looking back at our past selves

  8. HI Nyxie,
    I love this post. We all need to look back to the past and see what we have accomplished and what we went through and survived, overcame and succeeded.

  9. Life would be so much easier if we knew then what we do now. We wouldn’t have wasted time worrying about things that weren’t important, and we would know that the dark times don’t last forever.

  10. Thank you so much for this response. It means so much to me to see my writing touching other people like this! If only my younger self could see how far she has come through heartache!

  11. An excellent post and one we could all do as reflection is a good exercise for reclaiming the past and making a better future.

  12. I can tell this letter came from the heart, and it brought me to tears. I love this. If only we could’ve warned our younger selves to love ourselves, to not be so hard on ourselves, and that everything will work out…what a difference it could have made. I think this is something most of us can relate to. Look at you now sharing your gifts with the world and inspiring those who may have gone through something similar. Keep doing what you’re doing because you’re helping a lot of people.❤️

  13. This was such a raw and honest post. I often wonder what exactly I would say to my younger self if I had the opportunity. There is so much that I have learned and know now, but wish I had known then…

  14. This brought a tear to my eye. I can relate to the crippling anxiety and the difficulties you have been through. Keep up the good fight!!!

  15. Thank you very much for reading. I wish I could speak to my younger self and knock some sense into her, compassionately of course.

  16. This made me think of everything I went through when I was younger and dealing with an eating disorder too. It’s a very powerful post and I’m sure it took a lot of you to write it, so congratulations ????????

  17. Very powerful post. I feel like I need to do something like this. I wish I had someone to tell me these things when I was younger

  18. Such an inspiring letter to your younger self! I once wrote a letter to my future self and it was interesting reading it when the time came and seeing what the present looked like in line with what I thought it would look like when I wrote the letter.

    Writing letters to oneself is a great way to find positive things to say about yourself and dig deeper into your emotions.

    May the words flow!

  19. Beautiful and moving. What a lovely way of processing where you’re at and taking care of yourself and your younger self.
    Think we could all benefit from this kind of writing
    Thank you.
    Peace and love.
    Spence.

  20. This is beautiful. So raw and honest. Sometimes it is so therapeutic to look back and give our past self a hug. I always have to remind myself when I get anxious about my past, that I did the best I could at that time. I think you are wonderful and so strong.

  21. Love this post soo much. It is soo powerful really enjoyed reading your post x keep up the good work x

  22. This is really powerful. The way you choose not to fight against your ED in this letter truly speaks to how so much of what we go through shapes us into who we are. I know I feel the same way about some of the behaviors I indulged in when I was younger. They weren’t great, but they have taught me so much about life and I’m better knowing those lessons now. I too wish I’d shared a lot more with my parents, I think they would have been much more understanding than I let myself believe.

  23. This is very powerful. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to turn back the clock, but unfortunately we can’t. But to be able to look back and talk to your younger self, I think, can help us to come to terms with some things, perhaps even giving some kind of closure. And I am glad you finished by reminding your younger self that she is worth more than she realised. She was…and you are.

  24. This is such a powerful post, it genuinely has made me feel quite emotional. There’s some valuable life lessons we can all take from this and I think it’s definitely an exercise everyone ought to do! Thank you for sharing x

  25. Thank you so, so much. I would strongly encourage you to write a letter to your younger self. This might sound weird but I feel so much better having done so.

  26. I haven’t heard it but I really want to now! Thank you for sharing this with me – I always love new, emotive music!

  27. Younger me would prob scoff at it, tear it up and chuck it into the bin. I was a wee bit*h! But I was also hurting so, so much.

  28. I would love to do something similar as well! I’m still working on creating the eBook but I’m so excited for it! I think it will be a lovely tie into all this. Thank you very much as always Ruth. x

  29. This is a wonderful post, I actually felt like I was going to cry a couple of times, especially as you spoke about your grandparents. If only we could have received letters like these at the time – would we have listened to them? Who knows.. I hope it helped you to gain some sort of release through writing this. I felt like I could relate so much that I felt a little release too. Thank you for sharing xx

  30. An Absolutely beautiful post. The things I would tell me younger self if I had the chance. The way you have laid out this letter to address all the different things you have been through and suffered with almost brought me to tears. However the way you ended it advising your younger self how much they are worth, made this post one of the best i’ve read from you ☺️

  31. Wow what a poweful post. I appl6you for writing this. You are so talented!
    Thank you for sharing with us.
    Alyssa
    THESACREDSPACEAP.COM

  32. Wow, this was awesome. I am thinking about writing something similar on my blog. I am a mentor and I’m so thankful to be the person who I needed to be for me at a young age to my mentee now.

  33. What an emotional letter to your younger self. It sounds to me like the older you is a strong survivor.

  34. I am so with this. My younger self would love to know even an ounce of this to improve my mood and increase my positivity!

  35. Your honesty is beautiful and this is a brilliant message. I think we should address our younger selves so we can start forgiving ourselves for not being perfect!

  36. aww this was such a beautiful idea. love it. sending positive thoughts and love.

  37. I love the idea of writing to your younger self and this was a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all. x

  38. This is such a beautiful post! It’s lovely that you were gentle addressing your younger self, a lot of people just want to shake their past self.

    Ash | thisdreamsalive.wordpress.com

  39. Such a wise post, I often think back to what I would say to my younger self. And for me it’s family is everything. All that time and stress worrying over careers, only to lose it all over health was a huge knock, but it showed me family was there. Be gentle with yourself and sending much love xx

  40. Oh Chloe! This had me in tears, I want to cuddle younger you and you you so hard right now.

    Never stop telling your story, you do it so beautifully.

    Sending love x x

  41. Wow, very powerful. This letter has even helped me in my present state. I have a lot to say to my younger self as well, she was in such a dark place. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am today, and I know that my older self will appreciate the work that my present self is doing!

    I love your blog! Keep up the great work 🙂

  42. Such a lovely post. I’ve done something similar, and I found it very therapeutic writing to my younger self. I think it helps sometimes to look back on what you’ve been through, and how far you have come. It can be really encouraging. It is important to talk about these things, that’s something I have definitely been telling myself. It has helped me so much opening up, and I wish I knew that when I was younger. Great post.

    Chloe xx
    http://www.chloechats.com

  43. This is absolutely beautiful! Have you heard Pink’s song “Conversations with my 13 Year Old Self?” Since hearing it, I’ve toyed with the idea of writing a letter like this. This is so brave of you! Well done!

  44. Very beautifully written! I’m so happy for you that you are seeing thing in a more positive way, and hope you continue on your path!

  45. I love this! It actually makes me want to write a letter to my younger self and let her know how strong I am. Wonderful post and very inspiring !

  46. Beautiful and powerful post….
    I would like to do something similar actually…
    I can imagine if you read that at a tender age, it would be making you sob, because they just completely understand you and how you think and feel… Because they are the older you….

  47. I’ve loved the 10 days of recovery and I can’t believe how quickly the ten weeks have flown by! I feel like I’ve gotten to know you so well and you’ve become a part of my life with your prompts leading me to look at myself more and notice the areas where I need to heal.

    I would love for you to do more, similar series and I’d love to get more involved next time around <3 I am incredibly excited for the eBook in September and to work through that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Recommended
You're so evil and manipulative that I can't function without…
Cresta Posts Box by CP