Why women need to ditch the ‘bitching‘ and start lifting each other up.
I’ve often read (and written) about the fact that women can be mistreated by men in a variety of ways. From catcalling to discrimination in the workplace, women seem to get a raw deal. But one thing I’ve noticed through my time in various workplaces is the way women mistreat other women.
Having been a victim of bullying from other women in the past it’s ultimately pushed me away from the company of females in general. I tend to stray more towards a seemingly safer, male environment. My best friend growing up was a boy and even now my best friend of over ten years is male. Alex is my go-to, my emergency contact: My ride or die! He’s reliable, non-judgemental and, without being harsh, he’ll tell me what I need to hear.
That’s not to say I don’t have female friends, I do. They’re just fewer and the friendships often last shorter than that of my male friends. In fact, I’ve only managed to retain one female friendship in all my life and that would be with my university friend, C.
“When women support each other, wonderful things happen.”
Women can throw out ‘shade’ to one another on an almost constant basis. Our gender is notorious for forming tribes or ‘cliques‘ that often push out others who don’t meet the desired criteria. Just look to the movie Mean Girls for the perfect example. They’re all pretty, thin and white. They talk about their fellow students like it’s going out of fashion and even lay into each other at several points throughout the movie.
How is this helpful or empowering? How is this supportive media for young girls to take in?
It might only be your typical ‘chick flick’, and it may sound like I’m being overly harsh about an admittedly very entertaining movie. But, do you realise just how many young women suffer the reality of bullies like that every day?
I could give you a list the length of my arm full of comments I’ve received from other women in the past about my choices.
- Why don’t you wear makeup?
- A girl like you can’t wear that!
- You need to be more ladylike.
- Sit like a girl! Cross your legs!
- Girls shouldn’t say things like that.
Even my choices in regards to my partner and family have been under the scrutiny of other women. I’m met with comments about children and marriage that men in my position wouldn’t receive, all because of the ideology that all women want babies and a husband.
Although not all subtle comments are intended to be rude, judgments or comments we make towards others stay with a person. Hearing them on a near-constant basis can lead to a potentially lethal decline in a woman’s self-confidence and identity.
“Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown, without telling the world it was crooked.”
My first real female friend came about in university. To this day she is one of the most genuine and non-judgmental women I have ever met. Up until then I hadn’t realized that not all women are programmed to be ‘bitchy‘ and that this is something we learn along the way through various sources.
I’m not just talking about the female figures in our lives. Women are fed to us as bitches in modern media. We see it in various television shows, movies, books, and within celebrity culture. With examples like that it’s no wonder girls are growing up with their fingers wrapped around each other’s throats, scared that one may be more successful than the other.
As life went on I came to meet other women who supported each other and who wanted to support me. When I first moved to the city I found myself surrounded by women both in my own job and in my partner’s job. They held each other up, empowered one another and comforted without judgment. I rarely suffered passing comments or sly remarks and instead, I found myself encouraged and built up.
“There’s too much for women to be gained right now for us all to continue with the high-school, ‘Mean Girl’ attitudes.”
As women, we need to lead the way for the young girls to look up to us. We need to stop judging each other and start holding each other up rather than stomping our boots on each other’s backs.
If a woman chooses to look after her children in the home then that’s her business. The same applies if she chooses to go back to work after having her children. Whatever is best for her might not be best for you, and that’s okay.
We’re all different and we’re all equally as strong; Homemaker to CEO.
Women have come so far in the fight for equality that we can’t keep fighting each other. By passing judgment on one woman’s choice or ability or shape or size, you’re passing judgment on all women everywhere. You’re saying that ‘She’s not good enough‘ and that is not equality.
Simple ways we can support each other.
Compliment each other.
If you’ve something nice to say, say it. I can guarantee that it’ll be appreciated, and could even help balance out any negative energy she may have received from others. Give out what you expect to get back from the world and if you have nothing but nastiness to spread, then keep it to yourself. No one wants that.
Look out for each other.
When you’re on a night out always make sure everyone has a way home. If someone has a bit too much to drink please, please don’t leave them! Make sure no one walks home alone, no one goes to their cars alone and that no one goes home with a dodgy character giving off bad vibes.
If you see a woman (or anyone actually) being mistreated or hear a sly remark about someone in the office, stand up against it! Always make sure you are safe before getting involved in potentially violent situations but don’t ignore it! Call the police or inform someone in authority.
Celebrate each other’s successes.
Cheers to that!
Get verbal about women’s issues.
Stand up for the issues affecting women today. Shout about Smear tests from the rooftop, talk about breast cancer in the break room, discuss the fact that young girls are being forced into marriages to men twice their age. Spread the word that this shit is real and it needs to be talked about!
If you have spares, share them out!
If a woman comes to you in distress and you have extra tampons/sanitary towels, share them out! There’s nothing worse than being caught short when Aunt Flo decides to visit.
Better yet! Find a local drop off point for toiletries for the less fortunate or the homeless, and leave in a few packets of feminine products.
Here’s a local charity that does just that.
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Last night we delivered this box of sanitary donations to The Simon Community ❤ Thank you to anyone that has been leaving donations into our public bins. Extended thanks to Alexander Mann Solutions Belfast for collecting donations among their staff over the last few weeks and to Kelly on the team for organising everything. HPB ❤
International women’s day is a focal point in women’s rights movements. It gives us the opportunity to talk more about the issues facing women today, and to openly offer support to each other.
You can get involved by spreading awareness, speaking up and offering a hand to the women in your life who might be too strong or embarrassed to ask for it.
I just wrote a blog about this and I am using your main image and linking back to you! I hope that’s okay I want to give you credit. I was searching for an image and google brought me to your site.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Girl power is so important!! x
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment Britt! I’m glad to know I’m not the only woman who finds comfort being around males the majority of the time due to a lack of bitching.
We all need to do our best to watch out for each other as women rather than beating each other down.
I hope you’re staying safe! x
I have always gravitated to male friends for exactly the same reason, I find that they are easier to understand – They don’t play the games or cause the drama that a lot of women do. Instead, they just tell it like it is. That being said, I’ve been lucky enough over the years to meet some incredible women that I am SO proud to have in my life. Thank you for the reminder that we each need to do our part to impact the lives of those that we meet and encounter along our own journey.
This was a wonderful post, thank you for this. And I absolutely 100% agree, we girls should support and empower each other. More women should read this post as I have seen too many girls put other girls down.
I liked how you ended your post with a couple of things we can do. 🙂
I’m that girl in the nightclub! I get drunk and tell people how awesome they are, even if I’ve never met them. It’s the side of me I miss when I’m drunk but other than that I stay away from drunk lol!
Thank you so much for reading love and for your lovely comment! x
I absolutely loved this post! There’s still far too many women hating on other women these days (haters in general really) and it needs to stop – you’re totally right, there’s too much going on for us to have those Mean Girls attitudes. Most of the bullying I experienced in school was from other girls and if anything the catty comments and bitchiness hurt so much more than anything thrown at me from the boys in my year. It can be pretty scarring too, even now if another woman gives me a genuine compliment part of me thinks “do they mean it or are they just making fun?” I saw something on FB recently about how girls should treat each other normally how they do when they’re drunk in a nightclub toilet – constantly complimenting each other’s outfits and giving each other pep talks ???? It’s true!
I especially love your point about shouting about women’s issues too – periods, smear testing, the lot! It has to be done and the more of us getting on board with it the better! x
The world is already so dark as of late, and the greed and insensitive comments of others doesn’t help.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it.
Thank you for reading and for your wonderful comment! I hope to grow stronger and stronger as I am just now finding my feet.
Thank you for reading. It’s certainly not contained to ONLY women. Everyone needs to have more compassion for other people. x
Thank you for reading! x
Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it 😀
Oh I just loved this post! Great ideas to support other women. Never thought about donating feminine hygiene products before. And love the quote about fixing each other’s crowns! Love ya girl!
I love this message! As women, we all have that big memory of when we didn’t feel supported. Then we have those big shining moments when the uplifting community showed us how great it can be.
great post！thank you for your share！
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I think it’s true of too many people. We far too readily tear other people down because of our own insecurities rather than lift them up and be lifted up in the process. Just really sad.
There is no room in my circle for people who aren’t going to inspire and challenge each other to be better. I am so sorry you experience bullying. It sounds like you’ve emerged stronger and can help put an end to it for the next generation of women.
Today there are a lot of platforms where I see women supporting each other and providing words of encouragement. However, there are places, where it is a women who takes down the other women…the former women feels that other women should go through the hardships which the former women has. This mentality needs to change. The world will be so much better to live in then.
I have never watched the movie Mean Girls because I can’t stand how much it reflects real life. I have had very few close girlfriends over the years because I don’t play most of the social games that girls play. I am just me. And it has been just fine that way. I do wish that somehow girls could get past the judgmental and mean stuff though. Imagine what life could be like if everyone was genuine and kind.
I’m glad you enjoyed it 😀
Thank you for this post. ????????????????????????????????
Excellent thank you, thins rings bells.
I’m scared of female relationships too.
I spent my school years in all girls privet schools and luckily always felt supported and secure in that environment, my closest friends to this day are childhood and high school girlfriends. The first time I came across a female toxic environment was actually as an adult and it was in a workplace and I was caught completely off guard, it felt horrible. I appreciate every positive female presence in my life and gain so much out of it. I’m so glad you found some worthy women to surround yourself with. The blogging community is also a fantastic and supportive female infused community:)
Like you I tended to have more male friends than female. I see women judging women all the time, sadly a lot of it in the bloggersphere. I don’t know why but some women just see every other woman as competition, so instead of building other women up, they tear them down. It’s incredibly sad. x
Sarah ???? || Boxnip
You hit the nail on the head there lovely! Beautifully written too! Xx
Thank you for your comment 😀
I love to see women lifting each other up. That’s why I love this community of bloggers and the community I have built on twitter (no drama lama or they’re unfollowed). Thank you for commenting :D.
Couldn’t agree more!!
Nothing makes me happier than seeing women supporting each other, I’d like to think we’re moving past being against each other and routing for each other now
Ash | thisdreamsalive.wordpress.com
I’m so proud of you for coming through that and learning to love yourself. It’s a hard journey, one I am only starting now, but to hear that you have been there and come out the other side has given me hope. Thank you for sharing this with me. ❤
It was one of the worst experiences I’ve gone through & took many years to be able to love myself again.
Thank you ❤
I’m so sorry to hear that you were bullied. It’s a horrible experience to go through and is so, so degrading no matter if it was physical or verbal.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and leave a comment. Much love to you. x
I agree with you that women should be supporting other women more! In high school I was only bullied by girls, but I found a group of friends (both boys & girls) who were so kind & they were my friends for the rest of high school. Luckily the bullying ended in high school & I’ve meet some amazing female friends in college & through blogging.
Tales of Belle
If another woman is being bitchy or nasty or offensive then of course we don’t have to support her. In fact that’s the point where I would just say ‘Thank you for your opinion, I’m not going to give you mine’ and leave. Because another woman might be like that doesn’t mean we have to act that way back. On a higher level though I feel women are harshly judged by others for not following the usual life path of ‘Get married, get house, have baby’ when we should be support by other women for being able to make those choices in the 21st century. If this was the 50’s I would be pressured into marriage and babies at this point in my life.
Thank you for your comment love. I appreciate it 🙂
Women can definitely be very bitchy and nasty to each other, I agree. Bullying is never, ever, ever the right thing to do. Although I do firmly believe that we’re not OBLIGATED to support another woman, just because she’s a woman, if we don’t agree with their views or they’re offensive in whatever way. But I’m definitely all for supporting women more on a whole!
This is why I love this blogging community- so many women are jumping to help each other out and it’s truly wonderful.
You are exactly right, women should be empowering other women.