What is emotional intelligence, and how do you know where you stand?
It wasn’t until I began my journey into recovery for the final time that I heard of being emotionally intelligent. I always knew I had a relatively average IQ. What I didn’t realise was that my emotional intelligence was very unbalanced. It was off the scale in some areas but in others it was dead in the water.
I’ve often times been referred to as an empath of emotions. I’m very intuned to the feelings of others, but I haven’t been very much in touch with what I’m feeling. I tend to bury that part of myself to prevent the risk of breaking down and appearing ‘weak.’ The truth is I’m a highly sensitive person. I often over think every word that comes out of my mouth and resent offending people. As a result, I’ve spent years perfecting the art of running away.
But before we launch into the in’s and out’s, it’s important we understand what being emotionally intelligent means.
What does it mean to be emotionally intelligent?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, manage and express our emotions. It’s what we use when empathising with others and when expressing our feelings to those around us. A good level of emotional intelligence might help us to build stronger relationships and can even help us succeed academically. You might also find it being referred to as emotioal quotient, or EQ for short.
While it’s great to be intelligent, it’s not the be all and end all. In fact, it’s not just those with a high IQ that can go places in life. You can be the best acadmeically, but unsuccessful in your career and perosnal life. This may for a number of reasons, but it often has alot to do with how emotionally intelligent you are. Your EQ will help you to better manage stress when it comes to things such as exams.
Some ways being emotionally intelligent can help in every day life.
- How you perform in work/at school.
- Your mental health.
- How you manage stress.
5 key elements of being emotionally intelligent.
Those with high emotional intelligence are usually self-aware. This means that they know what they are feeling and, therefore, don’t allow their feelings to rule over them. Some would go as far as to say that they are more confident due to these facts. Those who are self-aware aren’t afraid to take a good look at themselves. They know exactly what the need to work on, and are very aware of their own strength and weaknesses.
This is considered by many to be the most important part of emotional intelligence. Without this solid foundation, none of us can truly call ourselves an EQ guru.
This refers to the ability for us to control our emotions and the impulses that come along with them. Have you ever had an issue controlling anger? Those who self-regulate don’t allow themselves to become uncontrollably angry and don’t make impulse decisions based on that emotion. They think about it before they act!
Typically people who have no issues regulating their emotions are very thoughtful. They have no issue with saying NO and are more than comfortable with change.
What do people with high emotional intelligence do? Stay motivated! The work consistently towards their goal, and are willing to give up immediate results for long term success!
Quite often they’re productive and keep working on their goals no matter what! They’re also not opposed to a good challenge.
I wish this was me on so many levels but sadly the depression often times clouds this motivation. It accompanied by persistent self-doubt can leave me feeling deflated and reaching for the duvet rather than my to-do list.
Just as self-awareness is considered to be the first most important element of emotional intelligence, empathy is the second. Empathy is described as the ability to understand and connect with the others around you. You need to be able to identify with their wants, needs, and viewpoints. People who possess this trait are often good at recognising the feelings of others, even when it’s not that obvious.
As mentioned earlier, it’s been agreed between myself and others that I can be extremely empathic. I can pick up on emotional signals through a person’s voice quite easily. And I’m also able to identify feelings based on expression, demeanor, and atmosphere in a room. It’s useful when I’m in a one to one situation, but it becomes a problem when I’m in crowd. It’s not something I’ve learned to shut off, and if I’m in a group the sheer amount of people and emotions can be overwhelming. An overload of emotions, on top of my own, can leave me feeling very drained and craving solitude just to recharge.
Those with good social skills are easy to talk to and are often likable. Charismatic, I believe, is the term we’re more familiar with. They’re often good team players, choosing to focus on the success of others first opposed to the success of themselves. These sort of people are the go-to should you have a problem and want to talk about it. They’re masters at building and maintaining relationships and are often the mediator when it comes to disputes.
Although I’m good at communicating but awful when it comes to social situations if that makes sense. If I know you on a deeper level then chances are I’m going to be there for a chat at all costs. But if I meet you on a bus and you want small talk, forget about it! I just don’t swing that way.
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Very good article. I am quite empathic and think this is something that comes naturally to many but others have to work at it.
Wonderful post! Now, I must say I’m still not a 100% emotionally intelligent. But hopefully, I will get there. Thanks for the inspiration!
I think that you and I would have quite a good chat. I love a good deep conversation.
I don’t mind small talk with strangers, but I can’t stand it with people I know. I’m like you, give me a deep conversation.
I believe I’m still working on being more emotionally intelligent. I like to write a lot to help sought out how I feel. It has definitely helped!
Awk thank you so much for reading xx
Thank you so much for taking the time to read.
Thank you so much for reading! The pandemic has made me so demotivated, it’s hard to get started again.
Thank you so much for popping in and read! Means alot!
I absolutely love this topic! I feel like I could notice a shift in my emotional maturity shift once I hit 25. Thanks for breaking down the different aspects of it and sharing with us!
Self motivation is difficult to have especially when you have depression. I am the same way and it seems I have lost interest in things that I used to love doing before. So hard to stay sane when you have been in different levels of lockdowns because of this pandemic. 🙁
I definitely have a good read in this article. I can say that sometimes we tend to forget to pay attention to our emotions because of spending too much attention on other people’s emotions. This is good to share with others. Thank you!
I think everyone needs to read this and really take it in. Emotional intelligence, and the things that it encompasses, are key to our daily lives.
I love this post! Emotional intelligence is something that we so often overlook when we’re trying to better ourselves, but it’s one of the most important things that we can cultivate.
I’ve never actually thought about emotional intelligence before. It’s nice to know that I have a little bit of it. LOL. I still need to work on my social skills, though.
I think it should be a balance of all of these. Also, it takes discipline to master all these 5 signs. 🙂
I have never heard the term emotionally intelligent before. I find that sometimes I feel too much of these things.
Self-motivation is definitely something that I am working on right now. Those are some great points to keep in mind and thanks for the share.
I did a DNA analysis earlier and I am a super-star of both EQ and IQ – so I am pretty sure that you have made some good points about the quality of those who have high EQ ~ thanks 🙂 – Knycx journeying
I think I have some emotional intelligence. I am an empath for sure.
I think I struggle with self-motivation, but it’s definitely something I’m trying to work on.
I truly believe I am emotionally intelligent. I tend to keep my own emotions in but I can be a very emotional person when I let myself. I also really feel for others emotions.
This is a great post. There needs to be more of an emphasis on emotional intelligence. I don’t think people try to embrace emotional intelligence these days!
Love this, it gives great points to consider. Am I truly emotionally intelligent?
This is so fantastic. We often hear the term emotional intelligence, but now we all actually know what it means.
Aah yes, self-regulation is the way to go. It’s something we must learn to have. It saves us from very toxic situations!
I agree self-awareness and empathy are definitely keys to emotional intelligence. Good social skill probably too. I know many introverts with empathy and high emotional intelligence.
This was such a great read! I think that emotional intelligence is something that is often overlooked. It’s so important, though, and it’s something that we can cultivate.
I really have bad social skills but I’m aware of it and I do try to improve it. Most of the time, I just pretend to be not socially awkward. Haha.
I wasn’t aware of the term ’emotionally intelligent but it’s so interesting to read and learn more about – thanks for sharing this xx
I guess I would say that when it comes to emotional intelligence, I am an above average student. I have most of those qualities you mentioned, however, there are times that I fail in controlling my emotions and change gives me anxiety.
I’m exactly the same funny enough. I can be either wonderful or awful. It’s almost as if ‘child’ me steps in at the stressful times to be completely unintelligent when it comes to emotions!
Thank you so much for reading 😀
I can have great emotional intelligence at times, but then at other times it’s utterly terrible!
When my depression isn’t a factor, I’m the most motivated person in the world. But when it creeps up on me, I’m lucky if I can muster the motivation to get out of bed.
So basically, I’m in this constant cycle of moving to goal posts to match the motivation I can find at the time. Such is life.
Thank you so much for stopping by – I’m so glad you enjoyed the blog. The EQuoo app is so interesting and honestly taught me so much about myself 😀
Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed. I thought it was something different to look into for the blog and ended up really enjoying it!
I’m so glad you found it enjoyable!
Very interesting! Gives me a lot to think about!
This is such an interesting post! I haven’t seen a lot of blog posts or articles about emotional intelligence. I can really relate to some of the signs you mentioned.
Antonia || Sweet Passions
I think my EQ is fairly high (though it’s taken a lot of development) but I’m definitely like you in that my sensitivity and empathy makes confrontation really difficult to deal with! I didn’t realise there was an app focused around this sort of stuff though – looks fun so will check it out!
I had never heard much about it until this year and now I’m so fascinated. I just want to learn everything I can and start to build my own emotional intelligence to be the best blogger/advocate/person I can be!
Hiya- I like the look of eQuoo- think I’ll give that a try- thank you for heads up!
EQ can be quite a useful way of approaching things/people/ ourselves can’t it? Thanks for the reintroduction- been a long tone since i read Daniel Goleman’s book.
I really get lots about what you’re saying here- sounds very familiar….esp being highly sensitive and social skills.
Peace and love,
Thank you for stopping by 😀 I thought mine was very low too but I’ve come to realise that I’m only low in certain areas, and fine in others.
I’m actually amazed to see that I can totally relate to some of these things. I’d of said my EI was fairly low but maybe not. Great post, I’ll be sharing this x
Thank you for stopping by 😀
Thanks for the interesting post! I think self awareness is a big key. I always try and stay positive and motivated.
I’m looking forward to them developing the app more. I downloaded it and went through it in a couple of days and as I suspected – I know what the “right” answers are but they aren’t my authentic answers.
I’m not sure if this is because I have been over theraped or being Autistic or what, but it just doesn’t translate to how I feel and while I can use the knowledge to “act” very convincingly, it is incredibly draining pretending to be someone I’m not and making sure I’m giving the right answers all the time.
Sometimes I feel like a London Cabbie; and I’ve learned all the roads and I’ve passed “The Knowledge”….except I’m sitting there and I don’t know how to drive the car.
Hopefully when they develop the app more they might be able to do something for how to fix me on the inside?
Very interesting information, I’ve seen emotional intelligence thrown around as a buzz word a lot in the last few years but never looked into it. Thanks for sharing!
Another fellow empath here, with surprisingly, a tonne of self motivation.. I could do with some work on self awareness, sometimes I’m great with it, though not so much when I’m in a bit of a rut… As for self-regulation LOL, oh wow. Yeah I’m bad with that one, SO bad.
eQuoo sounds really interesting, going to check that one out later! It’ll give me something to do whilst trying to get the little one to nap.
Awww thank you. Your wee comment at the end made me giggle. My blog is currently only in its tween years, nothing near what I want for it! But thank you x I think eQuoo is available in the US – it should be in the android/apple app store. 😀
I can’t believe how overlooked emotional intelligence is. What good is a high IQ if you can’t present yourself to people well and connect with them?
You are welcome xx
This is the first time that I have heard of this app, but I love what it has to offer! Far too often people invest all their time and energy into their mental intelligence believing that it alone has the power to push us to success in life, while overlooking just how powerful emotional intelligence actually is!
This was honestly so interesting and fun to read! When I first read the title, I kind of gulped and hoped that I was the teeniest bit of EI, but I’m kind of all over the board, just judging from your descriptions. Weirdly, I’m okay at social interactions, but I think that’s just because I’ve grown used to pretending I’m okay when I’m really not (sad, but true). I hope eQuoo is available in the US, because I’d love to learn more about my own EI.
Also, your blog is what I hope my blog will be when it grows up <3
I will! Or at least I’ll try ☺️ I check your blog periodically when I can so hopefully I will see it one way or another – sounds great! x
Awk thank you so much, this means so much to me. xx
Thank you 🙂
You’re very welcome! There will be a part 2 in June so I hope you call back to read that too 🙂
Thank you for very much for stopping by 😀
Only kidding 😉 I found this post so interesting to read. I have never even thought about my IQ or emotional intelligence, but I like to think I am self-aware, I know when my mental health isn’t great, or what makes me feel good. I haven’t heard of eQuoo before, but I am going to look into that! Thank you for sharing! Your blog is so lovely ????xxx
Interesting and informative
-Morgan from http://www.mommyaboveall.com
Great post. I can relate to some elements, but as a whole, I have a lot to work on. Thanks for sharing!
This is a really interesting post for me. If you’d asked me, before reading it, if I thought I was emotionally intelligent, I think I would have said yes. I’m considerate, I can analyse what someone was thinking/feeling for days, and I do tend to prioritise others’ feelings over my own (healthy, right?). I didn’t realise how much of it was self-focused, so that was a shock. I really want to look into it more now, and I may well give the app a go! It sounds great 🙂 Thank you for sharing this! x
Great post with lots of insightful and well written points!
Thank you so much for stopping by and showing your support 😀
I always thought I wasn’t emotionally intelligent at all, but now, after doing my research, I have discovered that I do have some aspects of intelligence, while in other areas I lack. Thank you for stopping by 😀
Thank you – but I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m overly emotionally intelligent! Far from it.
Thank you so much! I will have to get a look at this! I am currently in the process of re-working my blog to include all my updated awards, so I will be responding within a few months 🙂
If you are trying to teach a child emotional intelligence, I highly suggest this app as a starting point for any kids. It’s good for adults and children alike as it uses game like tools to help you learn and practice newly taught skills.
I wish you all the best on this ongoing journey.
I find it so hard to do a lot of these things on the list correctly; I either overstretch or fall down; I’m trying to improve myself though.
I’m sure there is some way of finding balance, but I imagine it takes alot of practice! I have another post coming out soon in which I disucss how to improve you emotional intelligence. The app is also a great help in regards to learning terms, and even thought patterns that can help.
Interesting and thought-provoking. I will have to read more about Emotional Intelligence. As I read through your post, I identified some areas where I fall short (empathy) and areas where I spend too much of my energy (self-awareness). Is there a way to find balance?
I think emotional intelligence is one of the most overlooked but most important forms of intelligence. I try to be self aware, but it’s easy to slip back into autopilot. Great post!
Ash | thisdreamsalive.wordpress.com
I enjoyed reading it and it’s very helpful for me as a parent. Thanks for including the tools help learn the skills of EQ as I’m trying to master it and at the same time to let my daughter have the skills at a young age. Thanks for sharing it’s very informative!
This is just a brief note to let you know you’ve been nominated for The Blogger Recognition Award. There is a post live now on Speaking Bipolar.
Yes I do agree that you are emotionally intelligent 🙂
Great post! Thanks for sharing.
This is a topic that doesn’t get discussed enough and it’s really important. We all need to keep our emotions under control better. I read the first couple of signs and thought I was good, but the last ones… not so much. I guess I have some things to work on.
Thanks for sharing this! I would like to have better emotional intelligence because I think it will not only help my career but my relationships as well.
I have read several of your posts and I’m hooked! This post is also lovely. The journey towards emotional intelligence is long, but its not unachievable.
I enjoyed your post. I feel like I have a good EQ and am going to try to help others find a higher EQ in themselves. I’ll have to check out the app!
Absolutely right, It is true signs
I like reading your blogs Nixie. Such a thoughtful and motivating topic. Thank you for the detailed explanation .
This is really interesting! I can relate to most of those traits, but I’m not always so good at empathy or social skills – I’m similar to you in that I’m good at communicating with a select few people, but I don’t enjoy small talk! I may check out the eQuoo app, it looks like it would be fun and helpful!
You’re welcome 🙂
I agree, and unfortunately I know of people whose emotional intelligence is not that great and you can definitely tell.
Great post and love your topic!
I think my emotional intelligence could use some work. Thanks for the tip about eQuoo!
You are right. Keep us posted about your new post.
Emotional intelligence is so important! The better you know yourself, the better off you are!
Thank you for dropping in and reading 😀
I know right? I thought you IQ was the be all and end all of intelligence!
I’m actually surprised that it’s taken this long to kick off seeing as it’s such an important aspect of our lives. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading.
Thank you 🙂
Thank you so much for reading 🙂
I certainly need to work on my social skills too, you’re not alone 🙂
Thank you so much for reading Jackie! x
I’m exactly the same, I’m in touch with people, feel drained around too many people and emotions and need time to myself to recuperate, yet i can’t be assertive or manage my emotions properly.
Thank you for stopping by 😀 I had no idea what it was until the beginning of this year and it’s so, so important!
Thank you so much for stopping by. The app is so fun, and they are in the early stages so there is more to come 😀
It certainly is. When I was practicing years ago with crystals, herbs, and dabbling in tarot and angel cards, I felt blocked. I now know it was due to my hiding away and blocking my empathy, for which I have a lot. It’s what stopped me practicing in the first place. If I keep working on myself now I feel like I will be able to step back into that world and actually thrive in my spirituality.
Oh certainly! It is a big part of being a leader, a manager and just being a general, well-functioning human being. Without appropriate emotional intelligence, you run the risk of pissing off a lot of people, being aggressive instead of assertive, being walked over due to a lack of voice or just lacking total empathy.
I have a post coming out in a few weeks in association with the same app about how to improve emotional intelligence. It seems fairly simple on paper but is actually so, so difficult.
This is a very important article. I believe we start taking EQ in account as much as we consider IQ as it does impacts our social skills, ability to perform as a team member or lead a team. It also influences our resourcefullness in handling stress and communicating with clients. There is more and I can go on but would appreciate your input on it.
Very interesting post! I’m loving your blog. As a tarot reader, I feel that having emotional intelligence is important, especially when connecting with other people and being in tuned to their emotions.
Thanks for the post. I will definitely take a look at the app you recommended.
Thank you for this clarifying post. I wasn’t sure how emotionally intelligent I am and now I do 🙂
I am an empath myself so many of this resonates with me.
This post has opened my eyes to a new world! This is my first time hearing about EQ and I’m super curious to learn more. I struggle with a lot of the things you mentioned and I think I would benefit from eQuoo. Thanks for sharing!
I think you explained emotional intelligence well. I know that I kinda suck at the social skills part, so this is something I need to work on. I do seem to be self-motivated and don’t act too impulsive. Thanks for sharing!
Very interesting and something I definately want to learn more about. Thank you for sharing.
Very insightful and so spot on!
I love this! Emotional Intelligence is something that is starting to come up more and more, and I really like the way you describe it. I have definitely lacked in a few areas at times, but I agree that with self-awareness we have the ability to change it. The app seems really helpful. Thanks for sharing!
Wow I had no idea I had emotional intelligence. Thanks Carolyn
This was interesting I didn’t know so much went into your emotional intelligence I have to download the app curious to see what it says about me lol..thanks for the info it was a good read and informative
I fall in the middle ground too. I was surprised to find I am very emotionally intelligent in some aspects but useless in others.
Thank you so much for stopping by and showing your support.
Thank you for stopping by. People often don’t know or don’t understand that there are many different types of intelligence. It seems unless you are academically talented and ‘smart’ then you are nothing.
Really engaging post! I think should work more on my self-motivation though!
Very interesting. I always hear about degrees, who’s smart etc. Yet people forget how important emotional intelligence truly is and how it affects us in all we do. This post is awesome. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this post. I’m not really self motivated and usually need a push by a close friend or family. When it comes to social skills, I fail at small talks even though I’m okay at communicating. I gotta check eQoo, didn’t know about it. Thanks for sharing.
Love this! I think I am really self aware and empathetic but fall middle ground on some other aspects for sure.
Thanks for this…
We are similar in many ways. I have always been ultra sensitive and very intune with my environment and those around me. I pick up everything. Sometimes it’s all a bit too much.
I have always been like this, and I often don’t like doing the whole small talk stuff.
However because of BPD, And feeling everything intensely and off the scales, I also don’t have good emotional regulation at times nor distress tolerance skills. I can be impulsive and say and act without thinking.
Though there are some improvements, but recovery is not quick in this type of thing.
But I have empathy for others so much that I can feel what they are feeling and even often if they are trying to hide it. Often people like myself need to recharge often because of this, which I often do.
Superb post, emotional intelligence is equally important to IQ, i would say ei is more important than II , because in a day today life you don’t need high IQ but you need good EQ or EI , to handle the people around you, great post
I’d say I’m probably in the middle. I have a lot of self motivation and empathy. But there’s definitely areas I need to work on.
I’ve never heard of this before! I think the only one I have is empathy, being self-aware and having self-regulation are definitely not strong points of mine, but I can pick up when something is off with people and if I see someone upset it breaks my heart! The app sounds really interesting too.
Such an insightful post. So many points I was familiar with but had no idea how it was labelled and so many different approaches to how we think and feel. Thank you for this, a very interesting read x
Yeah my EQ score is awful >..<
Great post! I havent heard of eQuoo before but I’m going to check it out! Thanks for suggesting it!